Like cleaning up this blog (HI!) or reading more or painting more or writing more. Things that I need to do but aren’t a big enough priority to actually do them when I have work/life in the way. Periodically when I would consider a possible quarantine I would think that would be the perfect time to get X, Y, and Z done. So my inaction anxiety loop is bigger and loopier and causing just permanent inaction. Not only am I worried about my future position but I also don’t even know what I’m doing day-to-day because of this damn potential for Covid.
I ended up deciding to stay home through his quarantine period as well. The odds are more likely that I will test positive eventually, so should I risk it? Wes and I live in the same small house, we share a bathroom, we drive together. I just don’t get paid.īut the more I thought about it the more I thought I don’t know…this doesn’t seem like the right call. My instinct was to go to work because since I am not in this position “officially” I have no sick days. My work policy is that I can still go to work (as long as I’m negative and asymptomatic) but I have to stay masked for 10 days. Now, he immediately started quarantining the best he could and we all took tests and were negative. Part of it is well, I don’t want to do that and then have to undo it in 2-3 weeks and part of it is the mental state of the unknown makes me unable to organize my brain around other tasks too, even those not relevant to the future or my job status.īut then… then…Wes tested positive for Covid Wednesday night. The not-knowing has made me really struggle with progress in any capacity. For the first two months I was just getting used to the new job/schedule but now that we’re in the final month I’m constantly struggling with making plans or doing anything past October 1st because I HAVE NO IDEA IF I WILL BE IN THIS POSITION. I’ve already been on a bit shaky grown as my full-time position at the library is “interim” until the new fiscal year starts October 1st. And the last 24 hours thrust me into a major “unknown future” downward spiral. Nothing makes me more anxious or depressed or frazzled or unmotivated as the unknown future.
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